QuickTip Is criticism causing relationship ruptures with your partner? You can end criticism and increase happiness 0 2017 Life coaching https://www.relationshipcoachfinder.com/img/uploads/quick_tips/thumbs/8_1510874556.jpg Communication and Conflict Resolution Relationship Coach Finder Relationship Coach Finder Relationship Coach Finder
Coach Tim Higdon

Tips to Overcome Criticism

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Relationships begin with love, but often deteriorate with annoyance. What you may have considered endearing about your partner now irritates you to no end, and sometimes you react with criticism.

Criticism causes major relationship ruptures. It’s easy to be blind to how we criticize our partners, and yet we certainly feel the negative effects of criticism in our relationships.

Let’s look at an example. Molly is married to Daniel. She fell in love with Daniel because he was a hard worker. But as the years passed, Daniel worked later and later without calling home to tell Molly he’d be late. After many cold dinners and lonely nights, Molly has lost her patience and is using criticism as a self-protective measure.

When Daniel comes home late one night, Molly doesn’t greet him with warmth or affection. Instead, she reacts in anger, saying, “You never call when you’ll be late! You’re so insensitive! Why can’t you ever be on time?”

Molly is trying to tell Daniel she is hurting and feeling lonely. But what Daniel hears is, “You’re not good enough. You’re a bad partner.” He may withdraw in dejection and anger. The criticism doesn’t motivate Daniel to change. It only causes more pain and distance in their relationship.

Molly is focused more on what Daniel is doing wrong than what he is doing right. Even though she doesn’t want to make the relationship worse, her criticism creates a roadblock to positive change.

Molly can learn new ways of communicating her feelings without criticizing. In a calm moment, Molly could say, “When you are late and don’t call, I feel like your work is more important to you than I am. I feel like I don’t matter, and I’m struggling with loneliness.”

In this example, Molly is communicating her feelings without criticism, which gives Daniel the opportunity to empathize and make changes without feeling attacked.

Daniel may then be more receptive to the idea that a simple courtesy call could make a huge difference in their relationship. If he can set a timer on his phone to check in with Molly every day, their connection will improve, and Molly will feel more valued. This will motivate her to greet him at the door with warmth and affection rather than criticism.

Conflict occurs in every relationship from time to time. You can use conflict to grow in understanding of one another. With the help of a relationship coach, you can get to the roots of criticism and remove the problem from your relationship. In doing so, you’ll both experience greater happiness and security.

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